mildlyinsane24

2006-03-02T02:27:00.000+08:00

This site will ceased to be in operation with effect from today. There will be no more future postings. Goodbye and have a nice life.

2006-02-27T17:53:00.000+08:00

I am so tired. Last night I slept at 5 am again which caused me to miss another class because my biological clock has been upsetted. I feel so drained, but from what, I know not.

For the time being, I feel that I just wanna be alone. Get myself away from all the insanities of the world, the rat race, the incessant crowds and shut myself up in my room and not venture out 1 inch.

I do not desire human company anymore ( at least for now) simply because I am tired of trying. I keep trying but to what end? A deadend. Yes. A deadend. It is futile. For now I am content in my own private little fantasy world and I really hope I can live there for the rest of my life.

I love my newly built PC. In times of lonliness and crisis, its there for me. I can just log on and play games, listen to music, surf the net etc. Its much better this way. A fantastic source of escape from the real world. I bloody hate the real world. It stinks.

I love it this way. The simple way.

2006-02-17T21:25:00.000+08:00

I am so sorry for having neglected this blog for some time. To all my friends and readers who occasionally visit my site for juicy stories, I offer my most sincere apologies. As I am currently working on my book ( which hopefully one day makes it to the publishers, I do not have adequate time and energy to actually blog about my life.

However, lately, I have been quite upset over certain issues going on in my life. Everything has not been going well for me ( oh well, what's new). Its amazing how people can think I am happy go lucky everytime and actually think I am noisy, failing to see beyond the appearance. But well, I guess thats the problem with modern day society, this obssession with the outer appearance of things. Its ok. I think I accept it. I am too tired to critique society and its flaws and etc. Its comes to a point where I concede defeat. Whats the point when people won't even bother to change or make things better?

I give up. I won't bother anymore. I will no longer share any of my sociological theories or any of my innermost thoughts anymore. This will be the last time I blog about my own thoughts and feelings or frustrations or anything else u want to call it. From the next post onwards, I am going to post about trivial stuff and everyday stuff. Thats it.

WILLIAM CHIA THE CRITIQUE: 1980 - 2006

Recommended reads for the month: Kazuo Ishiguro's Never Let Me Go

2006-02-06T13:40:00.000+08:00

4 jobs you've had in your life :

1. Cook
2. Telemarketer
3. Salesman
4. Production Worker

4 movies you could watch over and over again :

1. Fight Club
2. Brotherhood
3. Gladiator
4. Infernal Affairs

4 places you've lived :

1. Japan
2. Australia
3. Malaysia
4. Singapore

4 places you;ve been on vacation to :

1. Bangkok
2. Melbourne
3. Tokyo
4. Beijing

4 places you would rather be at now :

1. Lying on top of Vivian Hsu
2. In the showers with Vivian Hsu
3. Frolicking naked with famous pornstars and lapdancers
4. A sofa at a strip club waiting to be "Served"

4 of your fave food :

1. Tosai
2. Subway
3. Fish and Co
4. Eggs

4 websites you visit daily :

1. Playboy
2. Singapore Pools
3. www.ongky.com
4. www.mildlyinsane24.blogspot.com

2006-01-11T13:01:00.000+08:00

I never quite believed in Chinese proverbs until recently when my very own behaviour behooves me to appreciate the genius of whoever came up with this exquisite little string of proverb: The lakes and the mountains are easy to change but the basic character of a human being is hard to shift ( Translate into Mandarin).

However, recent events in my short but eventful life has made me realise that the sage who coined this wise proverb is a genius for he has captured the very essence of human behaviour and deserves a place alongside the pantheon of western philosophers such as Freud and Plato ( Both Freud and Plato had to resort to writing lengthy essays to explain human behaviour but this genius here hit the target with only a single sentence. How cool is that?!)

In order to accomodate the not-so-friendly and vivacious local-bred Singaporean girls and in a valiant attempt to please my parents and my ancestors by trying to get myself a girlfriend who would, hopefully, become my wife, I took the advice of some of my friends who told me I was too forthcoming in my display of emotions towards girls that I have an interest towards. Emotions in the Singapore dating climate is a no-no. Any displays of strong and intense affection towards one you like in Singapore is termed "coming on too strong" or carries the negative connotation of being "overtly and overly aggressive".

Instead, being able to find "love" means one has to play incessant mind games so as to heighten the fantasy level in a relationship. One has to constantly suppress how one feels for the other pary so as not to be labelled as "needy", "clingy", "pushy". Asking for a girl's msn or trying to start a conversation with a Singaporean girl is almost akin to rape as I get the stares or the cold treatment from girls who thinks that I have sex and rape on my mind 24/7.

Hence, I tried to change my "aggressive" and "emotional" behaviour to fit into what the Singaporean dating scene would deem "appropriate" and suppressed myself. But to what end? I just couldnt take it because it just isnt me. I can't help it if I love too intensely. I can't help it if I come so close to become a modern real-life Romeo. I figured that if girls here can't take it, what the heck. Who gives a hoot. Would Singaporean girls ( not all are like that. There are obviously nice ones who already are attached, unfortunately) All these shit and trouble and nonsense just to "love" and procreate. I rather not. Fact is, if guys want to just bed girls, they don't have to jolly well go through all these shit.

But oh, I still want to find a mate. But it sure ain't going to be some unfriendly, unreasonable, unrealistic, eogistic and selfish Singapore girl I am going to lay the red carpet for and pretend she is Queen Cleopatra. Thailand and Vietnamese brides might do just fine ;p

2006-01-03T10:36:00.000+08:00

Celebrated New Years Eve with a bang.

Check out the summary and photos at my sista's website.

http://metamorphosis02.blogspot.com/

http://carinachia.multiply.com/

Happy New Year

2005-12-23T17:11:00.000+08:00

List of Famous Cancerians:

Hollywood:
Cancerian Celebrities

Jessica Simpson
Charisma Carpenter
Rebecca Cartwright
Princess Diana
Meryl Streep
Chris O'Donnell
John Cusack
Pamela Anderson
Tom Cruise
George Bush
Sylvester Stallone
Kevin Bacon
Courtney Love
Tom Hanks
Bill Cosby
Harrison Ford
Josh Hartnett
Robin Williams
Liv Tyler
Richie Sambora
Santana

Eh, not so sure abt George Bush being a Cancerian. ahhah

Asia:

Tony Leung Chiu Wai
Stephen Chow
Jacky Cheung
Landy Wen Lan
Lee Fei Hui
Jordan Chan
David Tao

Political figures:

Political Figures and Royalty:
Alexander the Great,
Henry VIII (June 28, 1491),
Julius Caesar,
Princess Diana (July 1, 1961),
Princess Margaret of Norway,
The Duke of Windsor,
President Nelson Mandela (July 18),
President John Quincey Adams (July 4),
President Calvin Coolidge,
President Gerald Ford,
Henry Cabot Lodge Jr.,
Bob Dole,
Jesse Ventura,
Kenneth Starr,
George W. Bush,
Donald Rumsfeld

2005-12-23T17:02:00.000+08:00

Cancer/Leo
July 19 to July 23

Cancer is the fourth sign of the Zodiac; Leo is the fifth. Those born on the Cancer/Leo cusp have the vitality and ambition to be successful in their creative endeavors. Creativity is one of their keywords, and their caring nature ensures that the benefits of their imaginative powers help others. Cancer/Leos turn to nurturing the family group and take pride in their warm hospitality. They are emotional and traditional, interested in heredity and ancestors. Cancer/Leos can be prominent on stage and in film, as their natural ability to act and their flamboyance and love of attention make them naturals at fame.

The astrological symbol of Cancer is the Crab; for Leo, it's the Lion. Cancer/Leos go through life with a strong shell around them that is not easily broken. However, Cancer/Leos are the first to express emotion in any given situation -- the first to laugh and the first to tears. In this way, the Cancerian influence exemplifies the cardinal quality assigned to it. They also have a strong ability to see their projects through to the end. In this way, Leo exemplifies the fixed quality assigned to it. Cancer/Leos are good organizers and tend to be popular, even inspiring.

Cancer is ruled by the Moon, and Leo is ruled by the Sun. In ancient times, the Moon, which represents fertility and instinct, was perceived as the Great Mother, responsible for nurturing all life. The Moon controls the tides and all water on Earth, and it has a strong effect on human emotions. Cancer and Cancer/Leos tend to be more sensitive to the movement of the Moon through the zodiac than are other signs, their moods changing with the Moon's passage. In ancient times, the Sun was believed to be the center of the Universe, the core of existence, the Father. The Sun generates warmth and keeps life on Earth moving. Leos and Cancer/Leos sometimes feel they are the center of the universe, and sometimes they are! They are gregarious and social, fun-loving and live life with enthusiasm. Generally domestic and peaceful, they have strong emotional drives and won't sit still when loved ones are threatened. The Sun and Moon, mother and father, day and night; Cancer/Leos are all of these things, and finding a way to express the entire continuum is both a challenge and a much-needed emotional release.

The element associated with Cancer is Water. Water Signs are emotional: they tend to respond to the world through emotion. The element associated with Leo is Fire. Fire Signs are physical and tend to respond to the world through action. Cancer/Leos are very intuitive and jump headfirst into life, without worrying whether their latest goal is realistic or practical. For them, everything about life is Big with a capital B, and if drama and courage is required to meet their goals, they have both in abundance. Their warm and caring nature is very sensitive to other people's harshness. Cancer/Leos are cheerful and self-assured, sometimes to the point of living in a fantasy world. They are always happy as long as someone is paying attention to them!

Cancer/Leos have a strong association with food. They are very imaginative and sensitive, making them excellent amateur chefs. Some go on to make a career out of cooking. Pleasure is important to those born on the Cancer/Leo cusp, and they like to spend money to feel good. Cancer/Leos tend to enjoy physical exercise, finding that sweat helps them counter the stress inherent in their emotional nature. They prefer to play in groups, rather than solo. They are too sociable to enjoy solitary running or weight lifting, and they much prefer team sports or group exercise.

In love relationships, Cancer/Leos top the charts in almost every area, from devotion to romance. The great strength of the Cancer/Leo is in their creativity and generosity with others. Sometimes these qualities combine, resulting in thoughtful gifts or unique solutions to problems. Cancer/Leos emotional orientation to life help them understand the difficulties their loved ones must work through.

2005-12-21T16:12:00.000+08:00

I feel on top of the world. I felt as if I just flew to the other end of the galaxy and soar back to earth away. The elation of that fantastic feeling of flight is amazing. And to think I was still on hyper-depression mode yesterday.

I did it again.

I did not study and I still managed to somehow, pass. And the amazing thing is I did one of my best semesters in NUS despite spending the whole of the semester with my good buddy, Mr Ongky, half-drunk and slumped in some kind of stupor in some thrashy Clarke Quay Beer Bars, agonising over anything except studies.

Oh my god. Truth be told, I never believe in god or any providence during the whole semester but I really find it hard to believe the results when I checked them online. I had to log in more than 5 times to ensure that the results on the computer screen was real. Ok, I did not Ace everything. In fact, there were no As on my results slip. But I average all Bs and that in itself is something that really makes me happy because for the entire semester, I was ( as usual) thinking more about hanging out with my friends and buddy than even touch my books. I virtually skipped every Political Science lecture ( 12 lectures in all) and went for the exam based on my general knowledge of politics and I actually did relatively well for that paper. Perhaps God does really exist. I took more than 4 MCs for my japanese tutorial and skipped half the lectures but I made it. I did it yet again.

This is not an ego boasting or ego massaging post.

Just that I think somehow that some things are really fated in life. That I am to enter NUS and "not study but still pass". Life is unfair but like what Ongky tells me everytime: Life is unfair but if it favours YOU, who cares? Well said, my friend for this is exactly how I am feeling right now. For today, I feel that I just wanna drown myself in this state of elation and happiness just for today although my results did not justify the kind of meagre effort I put in. But what the heck.

I thank God and fate for letting me escape the guillotine once again and letting me survive. I hated fate for one semester but today, I thank you for once again, letting me live.

I thank Ongky, my good old bro and also Liki, my bro for keeping me company during those low tides of low self esteem and low confidence during the semester. For without those theurapatic sessions, I would have died. Thanks to my family for the incessant nonsense they have to bear from me always threatening to break bond and quit school. Thank You all very much!

2005-12-20T09:21:00.000+08:00

The Chase

This world has gone mad
This whole game of love has gone bad
Her heart I cannot seem to nab
I feel so sick I should check myself into rehab

I entered myself in the race
Slowly this game of love becomes a chase
I gradually enter the maze
Everything starts to become a haze
Eventually this game becomes a craze
The lingering memories of her makes me feel amazed
I used up all my ways
I simply couldn't keep up with the pace
Theres no way I can become her ace
Theres just something so seductive about her gaze

The Lord have mercy on my soul
Please not let me suffer this cold
Don't leave me in this hole
Give me the gold
before I am old
so that I can be whole.

2005-12-19T10:13:00.000+08:00

The Bitch

You are just a bitch
Who can be ditched.

I am not your whore
I am bloody sore

I am sick of your games
Stop being so lame
I am not so tame
so stop treating me as your game

Look at you
You have caused so much pain
It has leaved me so maimed

But hell
my soul I ain't gonna sell
When and what form your retribution will come, only time will tell
But its ok,
I wish you well
Just praying hard you won't end up in hell's cell
I hate you so much I wanna yell

You player
You aint no refined slayer
You are just a brutal killer
You killed so many hearts
And that has made you hard
Even God thinks you are a tart

Sometimes I hope you die
so you won;t ever lie
There's something wrong with your eyes
You deserve some of the Rock's poontang pies

One fine day you'll meet your Maker
Who will be your Undertaker
He will be a Quacker
Yes Yes Yes
He will bloody hell make you suffer

Till then
You are just a bitch
You deserve to be ditched

2005-12-18T00:20:00.000+08:00

I do not know what to say anymore. At 25 years of age and with the start of 2006 beckoning,I seriously do not know where I am headed and it is unsettling me quite a bit.I still recall my mode of thinking at 18 years old. All I wanted was to enter the civil service and do something great for Singapore so that everybody benefits. However, as I grow older, I start wondering whether this is what I really wanted. Even until today, I am confused as to where I really want to go. I wanted desperately wanted to enter singing industry but it is not as easy as waking up and brushing your teeth. Lots of sacrifices have to be made and I cannot possibly sacrifice my entire family for music. Its a lifelong dilemma and the struggle still continues. Besides, my standard just isnt there yet. Demoralising.

As 2006 beckons, I came back home yesterday night and laid in bed thinking about the past 25 years of my life. Time flies. One bat of an eyelid and its been a quarter of my life lived ( assuming I live to 100) and yet I am still here drifting in the sea. I sometimes wonder why I am born. Why am I brought to this world? What is my purpose in this life? I have been seatching for the answers but to no avail.

I have tried a lot of stuff over these few years: Work, singing, business and many others more. A lot of people mistakenly think I am so hard up for money for the power. In a way yes. But not totally. I do not deny I crave a bit of power but my desire for money is linked to my insecurity.

Finally, after 25 years of trying to act tough, I admit that I am insecure. I want to have money so that I will not be a nobody next time and looked down upon by others. I saw my dad's fate without money. He got trampled by our overly- materialistic society and I tell myself I never want to end up like him. Goddamn the %$#%#$ who invented money. I hope he burns in hell and never gets reincarnated.

Besides, with money, I can have time to do what I truely want to do in life, spend more time with loved ones, do music full time etc. Only by having ample financial resources can I achieve all these.

Truth be told, my greatest wish in life is to have a warm and loving family cos I dun feel that I ever got one in my life. Just as I was on the way to creating my own family, I met with the ultimate betrayal from one person who used to be very close to my heart. It made me scared of committment and plunging myself in any more relationships. Sometimes, I wished I never met that person but I know that somethings are fated in life. So many obstacles abound to my wish. So many difficulties to overcome. Sometimes I just wish to throw the towel in and give up.I don't even dare to plan for my future anymore. What future is there? I can't see it.It is bleak.

I just hope that God will have mercy on me and let me fufil my dreams.

2005-12-12T10:15:00.000+08:00

What constitutes a relationship? Can a relationship be wholly rational? Should a relationship be devoid of emotions?

Interesting questions that I will set out to answer.

Foremost, is it possible to live life without regrets? I doubt so. Regrets, I feel is part and parcel of the human experience. How many times have we stamp the floor in regret after exams telling ourselves that we should have read up more? How many times have we tell ourselves that we should have made the first move to ask for that other party's telephone number before regretting that we didn't when that other person got attached? Truth is, life is unpredictable and uncertain. Yes, we can minimize that uncertainty but can it be totally eliminated? I doubt so. Part of the experience of living is having to face these uncertainties and the regrets that come with it. We are not perfect species. It is only through regret that a person grows stronger. If you never make a single mistake in your life, if you never put a foot wrong in your life, will you ever learn? Will you ever improve? Surely a person who has been to jail will treasure freedom more than one who has been slacking at home and has too much time to burn?

Can there ever be absolute certainty? I do not think so. The only certainty in life is that things will forever be uncertain. Being all loving and compatible today does not mean that things will stay the way they are forever. Things, especially matter of the heart can change and humans can shift their allegiances so fast that one can never ever be certain in matters of the heart.

And rationalising will only help to a certain extent. Even if the guy or girl is a "good" match, if one party is devoid of emotions for the other party, will the relationship work? Highly unlikely. Fact of the matter is that love is emotional and at times, inexplicable. Sometimes, you meet this person and the feelings just develop but you do not know why. It is the way love works. The rush of feeling to your heart although you do not know the rationale behind it.

And I seriously do not think love is a matter of deciding who is the best for you and then comparing between multiple options. Love is not a matter of playing stocks and shares. One who earns $5000 a month does not mean that he or she is a better match than one who is earning $1000 a month. Truth be told, I would rather go with the one earning $1000 a month because the girl is more likely ( though not true in all instances) to have the capacity to endure hardship with you and not leave you when the going gets tough. She is also more likely to ride the storms with you and go through thick and thin with you when trouble beckons.

Life can never be devoid of risks. Uncertainty is part and parcel of life and it is that which makes life colourful and interesting ( although not too much of it). High risk high return. Low risk low return. A person who thinks that he or she can adopt a low risk, high returns on relationships is simply naive. It is like a person who refuses to put in effort to work and yet hopes to make it big in life. If you want love, you gotta take risks and fight for it. Nobody knows what is going to happen in the next second. Follow your heart and instinct and you will never be wrong.

Carpediem...Seize the Day!

2005-12-08T18:21:00.000+08:00

Your Birthdate: July 21

You're a restless rebel with an unpredictable nature.

Bright but unbridled, you tend to seek out wild experiences over new ideas.

People are frustrated by your great potential, but you love your unconventional life.

You're a heartbreaker. People get attached to you, and then you're gone.

Your strength: Your thirst for adventure

Your weakness: Not taking time for slow pleasures

Your power color: Hot pink

Your power symbol: Figure eight

Your power month: March

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

2005-12-08T11:33:00.000+08:00

You Have A Type A Personality

You are hyper, energetic, and always on the mood. You tend to succeed at everything you attempt. And if you don't succeed at first, you quickly climb your way to the top!

You could be called a workaholic, but you also make time for fun.As long as it's high energy and competitive, you're interested. You have the perfect personality for business and atheltic success.

http://www.blogthings.com/typeaquiz

2005-12-01T18:37:00.000+08:00

Someone asked me an interesting question today. What is it that you want William? Out of relationships?

I be very honest with myself and my friends: I don't know. I am clueless as to what is it that I am looking for. Yes. Many a times, I know what is it that I want but I know that I am not going to get it so now I am quite baffled as to the direction I am heading. I guess its more of like when I meet the person, I will know but seems like cowardice always rear its head in me. For some inexplicable reasons, fate always rob me of chances. Whenever I meet a girl that I like, check out the following obstacles:

1) Girl is taller than 1.75 and therefore too tall for me.
2) Girl already has boyfriend.
3) My courage deserts me.
4) My judgement in whether the girl likes me or is willing to recipocrate wavers.
5) I start acting silly and zany and the girl begins to label me a clown.
6) She expects me to lay out the red carpet for her. ( read between the lines: TEKAN).
7) She has lost her faith in guys and adopts a nonchalent attitude towards potential suitors.
8) She keeps her options way too open. Puts herself on the market like a piece of meat and wait to see which buyer gets her. In another words, allow herself to be commodified.
9) Timing is not ripe.

I notice something quite disturbing about myself. Seems like I have this thing with attached girls cause Lord behold, I seem to connect effortlessly with them. On the contrary, I have problems relating to single and available girls. Perhaps a sign from the heavens about my adulterous tendencies?

2005-11-14T00:22:00.000+08:00

Professionalism and private life? Are these two separable? Must professionalism and privacy overlap? I am intrigued by the idea of professionalism vs privacy due to the recent event of a female teacher blogging about sexuality and her fetishes online and her being taken to task as a result of the controversial topic.

A lot of people has this conception that teachers are supposed to be morally upright, chaste, even geeky etc. However, I must allay these misconceptions and put them to rest. Teachers are human beings just like everyone else. They need to eat. They have blood. And most importantly, teachers have desires like everyone else. Hence, I do not see anything wrong with that female teacher blogging about her private desires online. As long as she does not bring that desires into the classroom environment and commit immoral acts with students, I do not believe that she should be silenced. And for all those who think that teachers are sexually boring or even inactive and can only perform the missionary position during sexual intercourse ( opps. this word is perhaps a taboo to use since I might get into trouble with the MOE, I should have said something politically corect likean act of love between two mature adults who are deeply in love with each other and are married so they can consummate their love..), I think they are deeply mistaken. And I do not understand why it is necessary to paint a picture of teachers as such? Must teachers always be boring? Does that mean teachers can't have wild and passionate sex? Give me a break.

It is no wonder we Singaporeans score such a disgracefully low position in the Durex survey. Simply because SEX is a taboo here in Singapore. I find it amusing, even hilarious when I read the article about the sex exhibition at the expo. The doctors for the event banned several items but check out the excuses given:

The electric pen is banned. What if people get electrocuted?

9 inch dildo. The size is too big and long. What if people hurt themselves using that item?

Lifesized inflatable dolls. We banned those dolls cos they resemble real human beings and they might arouse the guys.

Come on. Give me a break. Stop sprouting these lame excuses. Its all a load of hogwash if you ask me. Sex should be left to the individuals to decide. Since when ( since the beginning of mankind) does one government or authority even possess the right of telling people how to have sex? On the issue of the 9 inch dildo, if the girls should even want to use it, I say let them. Simply because it is a matter of their choice. If they hurt themselves, then it is based on that individual choice that they have taken the risk. Besides, there seriously isn't nothing wrong in being a little naughty and adventurous. After all, it makes the sex life a tad exciting and refreshing, which would undoubtedly go a long way towards elevating our pathetic status in the Durex ranking. Moreover, part of the enjoyment of sex is derived from misogynist tendencies where hurt is part of the enjoyment, so I really do not see the issue with the 9 inch dildo.

On life size inflatable dolls. This is even worse. Come on. Are you assuming Asian guys cannot control their own impulses? It is no wonder we are being branded a nanny state and even local girls look down on our own guys. Simply because the picture of the Asian singaporean guy being a dependent and childish boy has being painted with such depictions of us not being able to decide for ourselves what we want. Moreover, isn't that the purpose of sex? or the sex exhibition? To introduce items that can help couples get aroused so as to facilitate love making?

To link everything with education is simply too much. In Singapore, everything has to do with education. Financial education, tetiary education, moral education, sex education...etc. But, if everyone receives the same education and react the same way, wouldn't life be boring and uneventful.

Moral of the day? Not everything has to be an education. Not everything in life has to have a moral of the story. Its time we lighten up and enjoy some of life's moments for what they are, instead of having to seek a message behind everything we do.

To all patriachal,confucian and nanny societies in the world, GIVE ME A BREAK!GET A LIFE!

2005-11-06T20:24:00.000+08:00

Yesterday night, I did the unthinkable, something that I have not done ever since I escaped from YJC school gates at 10 am to go to Yishun Golden Village to catch a horror movie by myself. Yes. I did it again. On a boring saturday night, with most of my pals back in malaysia, boredom pushed me to do the unthinkable once again. I actually went to catch The Exorcism of Emily Rose all by myself at midnight. And the entire row of entire seats surrounding me certainly played no small part in enhancing the horror effects of the movie.

In any case, what I like about this horror movie is not only its scary effects ( this movie scared the shit out of me) but also it got me thinking about the debate between science and the supernatural. Not only that, it has an important theme that is of great interest to me: Belief. Do you believe?

Due to the recent spate of dramatic events that have befallen me and some of my pals, I can;t help to revaluate what I believe in at 25 years of age and to my utter horror and amazement, I can't seem to even come up with one or two decent beliefs anymore. As I grow older and wiser, it seems that I grow more skeptical and more reluctant to believe readily what people tell me.

And it is beginning to worry me. Because I always believed that having a set of beliefs to adhere to can actually help to drive a person in life and become his source of hope and determination. Yet, I find it hard to rediscover these beliefs which I used to hold true. I am like a boat that has sunk off coast but can't seem to find my way through the wreckage to the safety of the shore. I yearn for the safety and stability of the coast but it seems further away from me each day I live. The more I interact with people, the more I look into the core of their heart and see the darkness and evil that engulfs them. It is utterly disappointing.

Whatever happened to hope? Happiness? At that instant, I thought of my friend who took his life last month and imagined how horrible he must have felt to end his life. He must have felt that hopelessness, the vivid picture of the bleak future that he has to face. I don't know whether to be angry with him or be happy that he has escaped the tortures of life.

I want to believe again. I need to believe again. But where is belief?

2005-10-31T12:18:00.000+08:00

Foremost, I shall convey my congratulations to Mr Harold Pinter for bagging that $2.8 million bucks by winning the coveted Nobel Prize for Literature 2005.

Well, the annual annoucement of the award winner has certainly inspired me to start taking up my literature text again ( for I have shunned them for far too long! ahah). It is amazing how literature can entertain and I shall henceforth start recommending interesting books to my readers so they can chew on it.

One book that you should try to read is Bartleby by Herman Melville. Yes, he is the author of MOBY DICK, that huge whale that represents a phallic symbol. But, I enjoyed reading Bartleby more than his Moby Dick because Bartleby is only 2o over pages and can be finished over a short period, especially so since most of my friends are working and do not have to energy to get through a long and tedious book.

What inspired me is the spirit of Bartleby as he tells his boss , " I would prefer not to" in a gentlemanly manner when his boss ask him to pass over some papers and perform so chores. Bartleby never works beyond what is listed in his job scope and never works OT( hurrah. Its a crushing defeat against the capitalist.) And his boss has no reason to sack him because he finishes what he is supposed to do in real quick time and then slacks in the office until its time to drop off.

In short, Bartleby is the true revolutionary hero who refuses to lose his individuality to become a mere cog in the work machinery. He never sells his soul. Long live Bartleby.

2005-10-30T00:28:00.000+08:00

I read an interesting article from some literary journal just yesterday and I think it is interesting. It goes something like this: Man's internal life is very much different from his external life. He can be living a very grand and rich life on the exterior but his interior life can be a big mess or even empty and incomplete. For ages, it is the desire of man to reconcile his exterior life with his interior life that drives his life.

How true. People have been telling me how cheerful I sounded in my recent posts. Yet, I bet a million bucks they do not see beyond my cheerful front. However, it is not right to blame the others, considering how the society judges everyone by appearances. However, if we are to really get to know someone, it is imperative we look beyond superficial appearances and try to "See" the core of a person's inner reality. Knowing a person is not by looking at that person and defining that person by how he looks. A person who is only 1.73 m does not mean he is too short to be a man. On the contrary, one who may be at a gigantic 1.9 m does not guarantee that he is manly. A classic example is the case of the bodybuilders. Muscle galore but most of them are gays and believe in non-manly ways ( again, the concept of what makes a man is worthy of debate).

It is quite upsetting that so many of us judge people so quickly at first sight and determine that person's character based on first impressions. Often than not, I even get statements like "Oh, I got the woman's instinct" or even " My sixth sense is very accurate." ( In this case, I always wonder inside my mind. Pray, tell me when I gonna strike Jackpot or Toto? Jeezus christ.)

A good friend told me: You have a face of a heartbreaker. Maybe its your hair colour.

This good friend knows me well but for the benefit of the rest of the world, I shall have to make a public announcement. Just because I have dyed hair does not mean I am a gangster or I am a heartbreaker or whatsoever. I long for a stable relationship like everyone else ( or so I hope for not everyone wants a stable relationship). I look and sound cheerful but I am not most of the time ( People who sound cheerful all the time are the saddest cos most of them are putting on a facade to cover their sadness).

To sum up, appearances ARE deceiving. What you see is not what you get. I am like the box of chocolates in Forest Gump. You never know what you gonna get :)

2005-10-26T16:23:00.000+08:00

Taken from Susan Miller's horoscope prediction site for Oct 2005 http://www.astrologyzone.com/forecasts/monthly/cancer_full.php

This had better be true!

Look for massive changes to occur this month on your home front and in your career, and later for great developments in matters of love, romance, and children. This is your most important month of the year!

But wait! It gets even better!
On October 25, Jupiter will move into Scorpio for the first time since 1994, a divine place for Jupiter to be, for this planet of luck and happiness will fill your fifth house of true love! Many members of your sign have been though so much heartache lately that this has to be precisely the news you needed to hear. Jupiter will come in to help you find the kind of romance you've longed to experience - tender, loving, kind, and deeply affectionate. Jupiter will remain at your side for a full year, until November 2006, more than enough time to find true love!

Married or single, you'll benefit. The bottom line: You'll finally get the attention you've long deserved. Get dressed up and gently swing your hips to the music. Enjoy being the zodiac's most attractive sign for the coming year!

2005-10-25T01:12:00.000+08:00

Ladies and gentleman. Once again, welcome to my blog. I must reassure you that I shall, henceforth, take great pains to refurbish my blog and maintain consistency in updating the juicy ( for there are quite a lot) details of my life on this sacred site so that you voyuers can salivate at my exciting and dramatic life ( haahha). Its been quite a while since I last blogged because I took time off to think about what I really want in my life. After 25 years of narcississm and fooling around, the time has arrived for me to finally become serious and get down to business. No more joking around. No more horsing around. As I lay in bed yesterday, paralysed from head down, no thanks to a certain drug named "became" that this doctor prescribed for my runny nose, I was afraid that my life would just fade away. And in the midst of that fear, I thought of all I had done for my past 25 years and a tear trickled down my cheek. It was a tear of remorse. A tear of regret of things that I shouldnt have done. I had done many bad things in my life and to many people. I want to start afresh. And it begins now. From this day forth, the Great One shall shake off the past and start a new life. Find his new love and live happily ever after. He will set out to prove to the rest of the world that fairy tales do come true. And he will ride off into the sun with his princess on his back ( metaphorically of cos, seeing that he doesnt know yet how to ride a horse). To all that he has offended ( especially to Ziwei), he is deeply sorry and begs for their ( especially HER) forgiveness. He wants them to be happy always.

With Love,always,
William Chia
Aka The Great One
2005

2005-07-03T23:16:00.000+08:00

I am extremely surprised that my parents are over their 50s because one would have thought that they are still kids. I know it is not usual for Asian families to wash dirty linen in public but screw Confucius and his " die die must respect parents regardless of right and wrong rule". I say lets just dump that outmoded way of thinking and make Confucius turn in his rotting grave. If parents don't even know how to treat their own flesh and blood with dignity and honour, why should the kids care so much for their "face"? Why are we always expected to suffer in silence and take all those tons of shit flying into my face? For 20 over years, I have suffered in silence and allowed my own parents to boss me around like a little dog without dignity and pride.

Enough is enough.

For over 20 years, I have done all I can to salvage the rotting situation at home by trying to sit down and talk ( yes, it is so hard to even muster over 5 sentences with them). When I mean talk, its not those causual stuff but I want to tell then about this girl I like, what is going on with my life etc....but nothing seems to work. I have tried and tried and tried and I am so tired of all these shit.

Today was a bitter sweet day for me. It was really one of the nicest, happiest and comfortable evenings for months and I reached home on a high. Hell, I was so happy that I decided that I would go over and talk to my mother ( It really irks me to even say that word now because my respect for self-professed "mature adults" are at an all time low).

Me: Hey, that was Lee Fei Hui, my ex teacher on TV. hAHAHA. Cannot believe I learn singing from him.

Mum ( for some reason, she was in a pissy or PMS mood which is not unusual btw): Ya and you wasted my hard earned money learning singing.

Me: Well, thats good what, if I haven't learned singing from him, I wouldn' have met Huisan who is btw the Singing champion for 2000 something.

Mum ( more pissy): I warn you. You better not drop that fish and chips on the floor. ( Is there any relevance to that? Once again , my attempts to crack joke and create some form of camaraderie with her failed miserably and I walked back angrily to my room to finish my food.)

Guess what?

Good old Dad sees this opening for being naggy and pissy and joins the fun.

Dad: You always misplace your aircon controller. Your room is always messy so you cannot find it.( I used the word "misplace" to make his sentences look nicer because, frankly, thats what I have always done for the past 25 years, make HIM look good.)

Me: But when I left for Australia , it was there. How would I know where its gone to?

Dad: Aiyah, you always like that one. ( WELL, 1st of all, YOU KNOW WHAT? DON'T FUCKING ASSUME THAT IT IS ME WHO MISPLACE THE GODDAMN CONTROLLER! 2nd, A PERSON CAN CHANGE FOR THE BETTER SO STOP BEING A SHALLOW SWINE and be more open!)

Frankly speaking, I am sick of all this bullshit. I AM NOT YOUR PUNCHING BAG so PLEASE ACCORD ME WITH PROPER RESPECT AND DIGNITY. I feel bloody insulted that they expect 100% obedience without treating me with mutual respect. Plus, I just had one of the nicest evenings for months and they had to be "sensitive" and go on to ruin it. So I say screw the parents and live your lives like you really wanted it to be. No more bullshits, no more nags, no more parents whose relationship skills are seriously so crappy that I think Singaporean kids are going to grow up repressed and emotionally disturbed.

Now I know, people are going to tell me to cool it. Hey william, cool it man. Whatsup with all this rage, this anger, this fiery streak? Come on, take a chill pill.

Well, I appreciate all those advices but you know what, I have been pushed beyond the limit than more than I can bear for all these years and I have quite frankly had it enough. Being a docile, obedient kid who listens to parents without questioning and fighting back do not pay at all. It just makes them take more advantage with you and I WILL NOT let it happen again. If you think you are right, then stand up to your parents and fight back. Argue, fight, quarrel your way instead of trying to avoid a confrontation. I have tried to avoid confrontation for far too long till the situation is now beyond repair. Do not make the same mistake as I did.

Well, other than that, I seriously had one of the nicest time in my life for the past 3 months and I am thankful that such moments still exist in my life. If not for that, I probably would have had a horrible emotional breakdown. But you know what, I ain't gonna crumble because if I did, THEY would have won. THEY would have triumphed.

BUT I won't let them win. I will have the last laugh. When I am more financially able and independent ( pretty soon I will be), I will move out and leave them and live my life happily and there ain't nothing they can do or say to stop me.

Goodbye, mum and dad, I don't need you anymore.

2005-06-24T10:47:00.000+08:00

The Great One can hardly believe his eyes when he saw the ktv bill last night. Thanks to some bloke who kept ordering beer without any form of restraint, the bill skyrocketed from 28 to 38 dollars. And you know what is the best part that makes the Great One feels like giving that drunkard a big fat knuckle sandwich?

The Great One did not even get a sip of the beer. While the Great One ( its tiring to keep typing "the Great One", hence I shall equate "the Great One" to be "I" or me. Hahahah), was busy serenading the ladies, he was boozing away, whining like a hyena and playing dumb games like 15-20 ( please translate into Mandarin). Ya right, I should lay 15 or 20 smacks down his candya** ( This profane word can only be seen by mature audiences above 18. If you are below 18, you did not see this word and a BLEEP sound will soon appear somewhere in your mind to convince you that you have not seen or heard any profanity)

However, I am pretty upbeat today. The weekend is approaching and my good old pal Desmond is going to bring me to my first ever striptease/lapdance ( Hurrah! Finally I get to lay the smack down on some real asses and shout "Whose your Daddy!" Hahaha).

It better be good.

2005-06-21T23:59:00.000+08:00

Yes, ladies and gentleman, its the Great One once again, ready to unleash his new found teachings of Enlightenment unto the world. The Great One ( me of cos ;p) was once crumbled, crushed and brought very low till he even wondered whether he can ever walk again with his head raised, eyebrows perching upwards and him serving a whole dish of trash talking statements to the rest of the world. He was devastated to the point that he almost jumped off a forty storey building and then call it a day.

But wait.

No way.

This ain't gonna be the end of me? the Great One? The Chosen One? The most electrifying man that the whole world has ever known ( ahahaa. I love it when I get carried away while indulging in a bit of a self delusion, but it boosts my ego, so why not? ;p ) I got a whole lifetime to live. I am only 24 and will hit 25 in a months time. Hell, I am still young and I got a long path in front of me.

While I was hovering on the edge between life and death at the top of the tall building, a sudden rush of adrenaline overpowered me. It is as if a greater power somewhere decided to recharge me with some kind of hope. At that instant, I seemed to have attained some form of nirvana.

That higher source of power whispered to me: William, you have a mission in life. Your time isn't up. You are born for something great and you are destined to achieve something incredible in your lifetime and you musn't depart yet.

It was decided.

The verdict is out.

I am spared the death sentence. I have been granted one more chance to live. AND I SHALL SEIZE IT and go on to be the Best there is , the Best there was and the Best there ever will be ( Bret Hart, PLEASE DO NOT SUE )

What is going to happen to William? Is he going to fufill his destiny? Will he continue to degenerate? Will he eventually jump? Will William finally shut off this blog for good? Stay tuned for more...... ;p

2005-04-12T18:30:00.000+08:00

It has been 6 months since I last blogged. Time flies. In this 6 months, so many eventful things took place that I think I can never forget for life. I am now currently undergoing possibly the worst time of my life. Never have I felt so lonely, lost and forsaken as below. My world just crumbled a few days ago and I am still trying desperately to come to terms with reality.

A lot of friends and counsellors tell me that I have to accept the reality of life, that what is yours will be yours and what isn't will never be yours. I really appreciate their concern and advice. I am currently trying to accept this harsh reality of life because they all tell me that once you can accept this fact, you are fine and growing up means having to accept this fact.

Lately I have been very down and depressed. I know that life has to go on but sometimes in the middle of the night, I cannot help it but shiver in fear. Fear of what? I do not even know for sure what I am afraid of. All I know is that it is terrifying to be alone in the middle of the night. Lost, isolated and helpless. The darkness of the night engulfs you and makes you feel so alone and helpless that it strikes fear into my heart.

Throughout these 6 months, my perceptions have altered tremendously. I used to like literature because for me, literature represents hope from the world. It provides me with shelter from the cruel reality of life and it also gives me the weapon to hope for the future and hope for the best but now, I have lost interest in literature.

I feel helpless, simply because I realise for the 1st time in my life that human beings cannot defy fate, YES, cruel fate. Human beings no matter how they struggle or strive, cannot defeat fate and that is for me the biggest tragedy in life. Call me selfish or what but I find it no point in trying to read serious stuff like TIME and NEWSWEEK because I realise that even if I join the UN, there is nothing I can do to save the world.

To all my friends and family members who are there for me during this toughest moment in my life, I am thankful and grateful. Without them, I would have died. Thank you all very much.

2004-12-01T14:55:00.000+08:00

I live for love. I really do. As dreamy and strange as it sounds in a world of praticality and relentless consumerism, I still believe in the romantic love stories of the past. Forgive me for being so romantically nostalgic. But the feeling of being in love can really be so uplifting and make one feel alive. Romantic people will tend to be more dramatic than the usual jocks on the street but I seriously cannot help it. I am made this way. The society and "OTHERS" can say all they want but at the end of the day, LOVE CONQUERS ALL. It isn't my fault that the rest have not met THE ONE yet. It isn't my fault that other people have not met with someone who would give all he has for LOVE. It isn't my fault that the whole world seems to be more practical than romantic. It isn't my fault that the whole world seems to be missing out on the wonders of love. I hope that for these people, they can taste true love and its sweet joys one day or they would have missed the point of their lives. Sad and tragic but nonetheless true.

To "THE OTHERS", STOP JUDGING ME WHEN YOU ALL DO NOT EVEN KNOW ME!

Quote of the day: You can know a person for 5 years and yet know nothing about him. Vice Versa, you can just know a person for 1 year and yet know everything about him.
William Chia, the Bard 2004

2004-10-30T22:38:00.000+08:00

After a lengthy absence, I have finally decided to brush off the cobwebs and start exercising my brains to blog again. A thousand apologies to all my blog fans( if there are any at all) for deciding to take such a long break from blogging. It is just that I am so cropped up by work that I have really have to sacrifice my blogging time.

These days have been rather disturbing to me. I slowly find myself losing grip of reality. For some reasons unknown to me, I have lost interest in soccer and wrestling, two things that I have held dear for years. As much as I tried to sit through Arsenal Vs Portsmouth match, I simply cannot find myself to enjoy the match as much as I used to. Burnout? Depression? I simply have no clue. These days, I feel like a piece of driftwood from a wreckage drifting aimlessly in the vast endless ocean. The shore or harbour of anchorage is nowhere in sight. It is as if I no longer have the ability to comprehend the true purpose of my existence.

What do I truely live for? It is a question that I have asked myself time and time again. A question that I have pondered over and tortured my brains for months trying to answer. I have read more books than I have ever read in my entire life over these past few months trying to find the answer to the question. Yet, the answer continues to elude me.....

2004-10-15T17:40:00.000+08:00

Take me away please. Someone deliver me from the torturous semester I am undergoing now. Endless tests and assignments. Tons of readings to torture my already swollen eyes. Piles of essays waiting for me to write. I wonder if I am a superhuman at times. Or am I slowly becoming an android ?

I watched Ishigaros's The Remains of THe Day in central library today and he is really an inspiration. He won the Booker prize in 1993 and he is quite a prolific writer. I still do not know how much is the prize though I would very much like to lay my hands on it. I need the money badly although I do not like to write for economical purposes.

Currently reading: Hunchback of Notre dame

2004-10-08T20:07:00.000+08:00

These few days have been bad. Worse days are ahead. I hope the worst has passed. Test tomorrow. Wish me luck.

2004-10-01T22:51:00.000+08:00

I am deeply disturbed by an incident that I witnessed yesterday while on my usual jogs in a nearby Sembawang park. While sweat was pouring down my tired and tortured limbs after a 5 km run, sweat was streaming down the head of 5 to 6 teens who experienced delight in setting fire to a plastic bottle under a HDB block. Perhaps it was the ancient ritual like proceedings in those older days where the primitive people experienced the same form of excitement at dancing around the wild bonfires. The 5 shadows danced around the bonfire that they have created, their heart pulsating with primitive excitement as they continue to stoke the flames, laughing hilariously and abandoning themselves to the wild excitement of dangerous endeavours as the flames became more ferocious.

The whole block might have caught fire had not some brave soul threatened them with the laws of our motherland. On hearing the uttered curses and threats of the brave Xena( for the brave soul is a woman, something that will be of delight to feminists), the primtive tribal barbarians wannabes took flight and escaped from the scene. Brave as Xena may be, she has failed to collect any circumstantial evidence that might asisst the police. Being a civic-minded citizen( as I have always been), I took on the role of fireman and doused the fires.

However, what I failed to douse was the fiery rage in me. That these 5 primitive beings so unused to the laws of our modern society can commit such treacherous acts and escape scott free irritates me. The eyes of Lady Justice are indeed blind. Don't mistake my intentions. I am not for persecution for the sake of satisfying perverse human tendencies of taking delight in the sufferings of others. Rather, I had wished that these teens would be locked up in a solitary cell so that they would reflect on their primitive and childish behaviour.

To be continued.....

2004-09-23T22:43:00.000+08:00

I seriously need help. My escapist tendencies are surfacing again. I know that when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. In my case however, I just feel like running away from it all. Don't mistake me. I love literature and reading but boy, its a different thing altogether to be reading 30 over novels in a short space of 3 months and be expected to master every one of them. It is ridiculous. It is insane. Surely, no human being in the right state of mind can achieve that. Not even if he or she sacrifices all her leisure and social time just to read. I seriously believed I have just dugged my own grave.

Also, my ugly laziness is beginning to rear its head again. I had wanted to go and catch THE TERMINAL to relax today but I was simply too lazy to change and do my hair so I decided to stay home and read my novels. But somehow or other, or perhaps its the afternoon heat, I simply keep falling asleep on the couch. Ever when I went for my routine jog, I simply did not possess the drive and determination to complete the 5km.

Its also been quite long since I last step foot in Kbox. It seems like an eternity. I really need to get my vocals in shape. The chance of cutting an album and getting selected as one of the 8 singers for the upcoming album is starting to sink in. I wanna be part of the 8! I want to be a singer!

These days, I have actually started to feel lonely. Not that I am having 2nd thoughts or regrets about my past relationship but I sometimes feel lonely which I think is normal and perfectly fine for all single personals. Well, still, I have no choice but to dig in and wait for the right one to come along( Not that I can differentiate between the right and wrong ones anymore) . Besides, I belong to the passive type. And sad to say, passive guys tend to lose out but then again, I ain't exactly the super aggressive type. I used to be but well, past failures in aggressive pursuits has left me tame and inert. Perhaps its time to revert back to the aggressive days huh. Well.. whatever. Come what may......

2004-09-22T09:49:00.000+08:00

Had a pretty relaxed training session yesterday at Tinybox music. A terrific piece of news was announced yesterday that 8 lucky trainees will be selected to record an upcoming album. That has really sent a buzz among the students. Although none of the 8 singers will be getting any royalties, it certainly will be an experience of a lifetime and the vacancies are certainly up for grabs. Still trying to work hard to reach the final 8.

This holidays, I have been trying to catch up with missed readings. Day by day, my energy saps as I see my 5A grades slipping away from my grasp. But, I am still trying to keep a positive mindset and work harder. Its only halfway through the torturous semester and I am trying to redeem myself in the 2nd half of the semester.Hope that I can turn things around and engineer a comeback. More updates on that to come later.

2004-09-20T20:54:00.000+08:00

I am so tired that I just feel like running away to Bangkok for a short holiday to ease my burden and stress. The semester just seems to get tougher and tougher. The novels are getting thicker by the week and I simply do not understand the poems by Wordsworth and Keats, the two supposedly greatest Romantic poets that the world has ever known( Perhaps their works are so difficult to comprehend and thats what makes them great!) And I have been forced to put my keyboard lessons on hold( goddamn it!) because I simply have no time to go down and learn. Time is my greatest enemy now and I feel that I am racing against it. So many things to do and yet so little time and energy. My singing last week was badly affected by my studies. I got no time to practise and hence made a mess of my 2nd studio recording. Tomorrow, I might have the chance to go for my 3rd try and I intend to make full use of it. I really hope that I can become a professional singer and some Taiwanese company comes in and saves me from the torrid lifestyle I am leading now. Take me away from NUS please! I had wanted to watch the Terminal but scrapped the idea 'cause I really have no time for it. Plus, all my friends had watched it already and I am trying to NOT watch movies alone as I usually do. And I did an amazing thing over the weekend. I was so inspired that I wrote a poem again. Maybe I should start writing again and send my manuscripts to the publishers and see if they want it. Sigh. Enough griping. Its back to work.

2004-08-28T19:26:00.000+08:00

Today, I began my quest to finish my 2nd Sci-Fi novel " Dune", a master piece by the late Frank Herbert. Sad to say, I could only get to page 125. I had to stop there because I need to learn how to play the piano.

Today, I learned the irritating F and G7 chords. It was pretty difficult to swtich fluently from F to C and vice versa but I still believe with enough practice, anything is possible. Still trying my best to finish up all my readings though it is highly impossible. Tonite, the ARTS BASH is at Newsroom Bar and I seriously haven't been there before. I actually wanted to stay home and watch TV or even listen to some music but the vice -president of ARTS club has personally asked me to attend so I guess I shall not turn her down and embarass her or make her feel uneasy or something.

Anway, she is a kind person and I will do her the favour. Just that it is strange that this is gonna be the 1st time I go to a club or bar alone without any friends! Hope I will have fun later. More on the ARTS BASH later when I get home!

2004-08-26T23:14:00.000+08:00

Today is the busiest day since the commencement of the new semester. I woke up at 10 plus and rushed off to NUS for my 1st lecture on Reading British Texts on an empty stomach and it was followed by a lecture on grammar until I finally had a lunch break at 4pm. After 2 hours of skimming through my Feminism readings, I proceeded to YIH for an audition to perform at the University Cultural Centre. And if you think thats the end, hang on cos I had to rush off again to Woodlands for my keyboard lessons. Once I reach home, I immediately changed into my PT gear and went for a 1-hour run. Even as I am writing at this very moment, my sweat is still streaming furiously down my body. After I bath later, I still got to catch up on some readings. Talk about hectic schedule! This week seems to have flashed by in lightning speed but I still remain optimistic and calm. I believe I have adapted to this hectic pace of life. I am already looking forward to the next holidays and hope I can save up enough money to go for a holiday. Its been quite long since I have gone overseas. Today, I learned how to play the C and G chords on the keyboard and I felt good mastering those two chords. Think I need more practice. Life is still good and I am beginning to enjoy this extended stretch of peace and calmness that I have recently embraced. Hope it lasts.

2004-08-23T22:04:00.000+08:00

* Dusting off the cobwebs* Hey guys....Finally...after a long time in exile away from blogging, I am back to fill you voyuers on the happenings of my life. Life is getting better for me finally after all these years of suffering. I feel quite happy that I am finally doing something that I really love in my life. And that is singing and making music. I have decided that this is REALLY the area that I want to specialise in . My teacher was right. Music is too addictive. It is like a drug. Once you are into music, it is almost impossible to get out. You just have to keep going and going and the feeling is just so fantastic. I must say I am enjoying what must be the most fantastic stretch of period in my life. But don't worry peeps.. I won;t neglect my studies. Although I have 30 over novels to cover this semester, I am doing my favourite subject Literature. Life is slowly becoming more and more enjoyable for me and I hope all my friends can find their niches some day and stick to it. It suddenly seems as if everything just seems to fit into the picture! Just makes all those years of suffering seem worth it! I have picked the singer to model after and I think Jay Chou's style still suits me the best and I will be singing his songs for my singing classes. If everything goes well, I can go for studio recording next week or so. The recording will be sent to Taiwan and I am really excited. Recently I have also taken up keyboard lessons and in the near future, I hope to compose my own songs and send the demo to Taiwan. Its really an exciting time for me! Okay... time to prepare for my morning tutorial tomorrow. Till next time... THATS ALL FOLKS! '"p

2004-07-29T10:54:00.000+08:00

To all my friends and loyal readers( if there are any at all!) , do not worry because I have not abandoned my blogsite. I am just plain lazy to update at all. Besides, I have been really busy with my artiste training. I screwed up really bad during the last session. But I hope to put this minor setback behind me and work harder to improve myself. In 2 weeks time, the new semester will kick off. I have gotten 4 literature modules thise semester: Feminism, Sci Fi/ Fantasy, Romanticism and Reading British Texts. That means I will have to cover an insane 15 over literature books for the upcoming semester and I have not even include the research papers for these books. Guess my myopia will worsen after this semester. And at the same time, I will have to cope with the riguors of artiste training. It is going to be one hell of a semester. But I am really looking forward to going back to school. At least I get to study literature, my favourite subject. I am beginning to feel old already. With a gap of 5 years difference between the freshmen and me, I feel like there is a bit of generation gap between our modes of thinking and waves of frequency. Really hope I won't be too old to mix around and make a few new friends. It would be hard to make new friends considering that I am not staying in halls but I still hope to increase my already pathetic social circle. Enough ranting for today. Cheerios

2004-07-12T08:47:00.000+08:00

It is amazing how much I miss school. Those days of holing myself up in the library to do my countless research and reading tons of books. Those days of lunch at the canteen so I can sneak a peek at those incredibly pretty and sexy girls with skimpy skirts. I haven't really enjoyed myself this holidays and I really need to start now before the new semester kicks off. When the new semester starts, I will finally get to study literature. Somehow, I just love reading those classic novels. I think I have this gift for reading and analysing the characters and storyline. I just seem to be able to do it with far greater ease than others. Right now, I think I just want to concentrate on my studies and my artiste classes. They seem to be the focus in my life right now. After weeks of pondering, I still don't quite know where I am heading in life. Guess thats life. Where uncertainty is a necessity. I guess maybe I just need to get used to that. But I still hope that I can be a singer. It is my lifelong dream. Now that I have this chance, it will be a waste if I just throw it all away now. 23 years of existence just for this chance at stardom. What bothers me is that I fear that the company will find my scholarship a stumbling block. I pray that they will overlook that and give me my chance. As for relationships, I guess that I need to stay off that course for a while. I am now undoubtedly convinced that I am not ready to get into a relationship now. Being in a relationship requires a lot of time, effort and sacrifice for the other half but I am just not ready to do that yet. Or maybe is it because I really haven't found the one yet? A few years back, I was so worried that I would still be single at this age. It is like being single at this age means one is left on the shelf. But now, I no longer feel this way. If it is meant to be, it is meant to be and it is pointless to force something. Maybe it is just me. I cannot take invasion of my personal space very well. Think that is my biggest problem. I am not those type of guys that can chat over the phone for hours. I am not those guys who can lie very well. I am not those guys who can afford to spend money on their girlfriends. I am not those that can give up some of my lifestyle habits for another person yet. I am prone to moodiness and depressions. Guess many girls cannot take those traits of mine. But, what the heck. That is just ME.

2004-07-01T16:52:00.000+08:00

Its been a completel dull and uninteresting week. I feel so bored and restless because there is seriously nothing that interests me nowadays other than singing. Even PS2 games do not charm me anymore. Euro2004 was pretty slow paced and not as exciting as previous tournaments. Everything just seems to be moving at a snail's pace. For me, its like life and time haave just stopped in their tracks. Movies nowadays are just not as good as they used to be. Or is it I may be entering the next phase of life, adulthood, that boring phase where one has to BEAR and SHOULDER responsibilites and stuff like that. That kind of lifestyle scares me to death because I seriously do not know if I can take being grounded and fixed to a certain spot. I might simply drop dead of boredom. These days, I really yearn to travel overseas where I hope to relax my battered mind and body and seriously think about where I am heading because I seriously do not know what tomorrow holds for me. Five years down the road, I simply do not know what I will be or where I will end up. I just cannot seem to settle on a fixed direction or path that I can follow. I am at a loss as to where I am heading. So many things to think about and yet so little solutions. I wish someone would just tell me what to do sometimes because I am just so tired of having to think all the time. Not to say that freedom of thought is not good or what but occasionally, I would like to just leave the thinking to others but in this evil world, it is still better to be on one's guard and be careful which just makes it more tiring. I think perhaps I need a new source of fascination to take up my time so I do not think too much? But I seriously do not know what it might be? Any smart alec out there with bright ideas to offer?

2004-06-23T15:44:00.000+08:00

I am pissed with myself because I totally screwed up at my Artiste Management Lesson yesterday. I actually forgot the lyrics and got too nervous and the rest is history. The truth is I know I can do better than that. But yet once again, the stress got to me and affected my performance. To say I have underperformed is an understatement. I totally made a fool out of myself in front of my shifu and my fellow students. That was so embarrassing. I really need to buck up and do a lot more before I can even be considered for professional development in Taiwan. Cos from what my shifu told us last night, the music industry in Taiwan is very professional. The company in Singapore will send your demo to the company and the bosses will decide who to sign. The they will fly in the singer( or soon to be ) to the office to sign the contract ( normally 5 yrs) and size him up. The pubilicity, consultant and personal assistant will all chit chat with the newbie and come up with a brand new way to market him as an artise. For instance, if he is not good looking but can sing, then they may ask him keep longer hair or model after william so. The a professional image consultant will come in and they will talk to the newbie and advise him or her on the right type of image and clothings they should wear followed by an extensive shopping campaign where the newbie will go on a 1 week shopping spree and buy anything that the consultant deems as fitting no matter how costly the price. Best part is, when the contract ends, all these branded and expensive clothings are retained by the artise. Girls will get to do their facials for free, courtesy of the company sponsors. And then its a damn hectic schedule where u really work your socks off by doing training, tours and publicity and recording . My shifu says these days are those that you don't have a life anymore. The countless recordings, MTVs, autograph sessions and TV shows will leave u drained. Consider the cost. Don't be shocked.. The company spends half a million just to shoot an MTV alone. My god. Imagine so many MTVs in a CD. Guess how much that costs. I really want to give this career or dream of mine a shot. I want to make it. But 1st, I gotta go practise everyday at K box and brush up on my chinese idioms. I regretted not learning Chinese now because I will really need every bit of scrappy knowledge to make the cut. It is hampering my potential. For the next 5 months I will eat music, sleep music and breathe music. Wish me all the best. GO GO GO!

2004-06-22T11:03:00.000+08:00

That's it. I have had enough. I hate being treated like a goddamn criminal who is denied the chance of self defence. I hate it when people come up to me and pronounce me criminal without sitting down and thinkinG( yes....thinking...using your brain) over the situation and evidences. I am so sick and tired of people placing a noose around my neck and judging me superficially. Enough is enough. I will not tolerate this kind of nonsensensical and ridiculous attitude anymore. I wonder why are people always so imaginative and always jump to their own conclusions before considering whether those so called "facts" or "evidences" are valid. Shallow people always do not see beyond the superficial level and I am sick of people like that( no offence but its true..I do not wish to tell any lies or hide my feelings anymore....simply too tired to hide the truth) To these people, wake up. Hello. Smell the goddamn coffee. Use your goddamn brains and THINK. Don't always think you are correct or right. Exercise some of the god given intelligence that you have and maximise its usuage. If you cannot do that, I feel sad for you because your whole life would be an utterly tragic waste of time on Earth. Sad and tragic but that's the TRUTH and nothing but the TRUTH. *Breathing a sigh of relief and release* Now that feels good!

2004-06-21T11:42:00.000+08:00

It is so amazing how many people in this world seem to be lost. Nowadays, I see so many people in this world without a solid and definite sense of direction. People just seem to drifting along like a piece of wood from a shipwreck on a vast ocean, not knowing what tomorrow may bring or where they are really heading. Worst still, some have become virtual zombies. I get frightened sometimes when I sit at my office table, dazed momentarily, watching my colleagues go about performing their tasks with the same old routine steps. It got me wondering whether they have truely understood the meaning of what they are doing or have they realised what is it that they live for. On a more existential level, I wonder, have they found their meaning in life? Have they found that niche where they really belong? Have they found the one job or one thing that the really want to do? I think it is very tragic that a person in this world only works for money and not for the sense of achievement that he or she can derive from the job. As time goes by, if one does not feel that sense of achievement, he will never be fufilled or happy. He will just become a physical being without a soul. His soul will be devoured by money because he has sold his physical and mental being to work for money in the process of sacrificing his passion. I have read many stories of how successful people make it in life and ALL of them mentioned a certain key guiding principle in what they do: PASSION. Without it, life is dull and pointless. Enough ranting. Back to work. More ramblings to come later.

2004-06-17T17:12:00.000+08:00

I haven't enjoyed myself for a very long time but last night, I really had a great time, thanks to my bubbly sister and cousins and the intoxicating effects of 2 jugs of Tiger Beer, 1 jug of vodka ribena and 1 glass of vodka sprite. By 11pm, I was so high that I just had to dance( Guess I must have been pretty repressed that I need to dance off the frustrations)and I must admit I enjoyed it although my bones still ache until now. I have always been a fan of Phuture but Madam Wong was pretty decent. At least, from my point of view, it is much better than Centro( which totally sucks). The music at Mdm Wong is quite alright and the best part is I actually managed to sneak in free of charge( Happy Ladies Night for me as well lolz). The only fault that I can pick is that the dance floor is a bit too small causing me to endure some outrage of modesty( lol) but I can accept that. Too bad that I did not manage to pick up a gal yesterday night but well, it was pretty fun although I did not get the chance to dirty dance. This morning, though, brought me crashing down to earth. I barely had 4 hours of sleep when I was dragged out of bed by my mum to go to work. It was sheer torture having to concentrate on work without adequate sleep. But, in life, everything we do entails an opportunity cost. So, if I wanna have fun the night before, guess I have to pay the price. Next stop: Devils Bar!

2004-06-15T11:35:00.000+08:00

Euro 2004 fever has seized the world momentarily for a month as the European soccer giants battle it out for the most prestigious soccer prize in the European continent. Everywhere is buzzing with Euro2004 excitement especially pubs that are open till the wee hours of the morning just so that drunkards and gamblers can get together and hurl all kinds of insults at results that do not go their way. Surprisingly, I have remained pretty calm amid all these excitement. When I was young, I can stay up till 5 am or even 6 am just to catch the action. Nowadays, I usually fall asleep on the couch even before the referee blows for half-time because I am simply too tired after work. Besides, I really do not want to sleep too late because I cannot afford to fall sick. The second Artiste Development Lesson starts tonight anD i am more excited over this than Euro 2004 because Lee Fei Hui will start his personal vocal training tonight. I hope I can stand his training. It will be the first ever vocal training I have ever attended in my life and I hope I do not screw up. Its very important that I impress him in the few lessons that we have under him so that it enhances my chances of landing a professional contract. I feel like a million bucks right now because I feel so comfortable in that 90 dollars Zara jeans that I bought the other day. The cut and material is fantastic and it really does help to enhance my self confidence( Big thanks to my sista for helping me pick that one out) Well, I mean, I could give her the job as my permanent stylist and fashion consultant if I land a professional recording contract. HAH...but thats still far away.

2004-06-08T10:03:00.000+08:00

Is it wrong to tell the truth?( this sounds like another GP essay) Sometimes, it can be so confusing. It can be so tiring to hide the truth and tell lies to another person. Yet, when a person decides to come clean and be totally honest, the party that demands to hear the truth cannot accept the brutality of reality. Is this world twisted or what? Or is it the way this screwed up world functions, that there can never be any clear cut situations in life. That one has to always be stuck somewhere in between. Like this guy who robs a bank of other people's hard earned money. People can call him a robber or thief but on a brighter side of things, he is actually helping to redress the problem of income disparity in society. Besides, one can almost argue that if given a choice, would he rob? Yet, it is morally wrong to rob and commit a crime so at the end of the day, it all comes back to square one, that there is indeed no such thing as a clear cut situation in life that one can confidently reach a straightforward judgement about anything. I think many people nowadays tend to think of things and issues in a one dimensional manner as in simply classifying things into simplified categories like right and wrong, good or bad, pretty or ugly. But things ain't that simple and never will be. Which brings me back to the issue on truth. It is amazing how people always want each other to tell the truth . They hanker for the truth yet more often than not, they are so ill-prepared for the truth. Eg: Like this girl who thinks she is hot, spicy and pretty and demands the truth from her boyfriend who is so in a dilemma. If he tells her the truth that she is none of the above, she gets pissed and chews his head off. If he tells her that she is really that adorable, he gets ribbed for telling her what she would consider "a pack of lies" Human beings, tsk tsk, what a strange and funny breed.

2004-05-31T17:37:00.000+08:00

It is horrifying how in a planet with a population of trillions, one can still feel lonely. There are so many people out there in this world yet I can still feel that no one in this world really understands me. The more I think about it, the more horrifying that thought becomes and my imaginative mind begins to run wild. What if I don't ever get to meet the person that really knows and understands me? It will be tragic if each person is to leave this world without ever having a soulmate. To live the entire life lonely and not recognized or understood by another one of your kind is tragic because that would mean that no one has really appreciated you for who you really are. Just imagine, years of your existence in this world wasted just like that. Like you never really lived or existed. Years later, when people think about you( if they even do so), imagine this: Oh, I don't really know that guy OR Who is he? Isn't that sad? What shocks me is that there is no lack of human beings on earth but why am I still feeling like an empty shell? I don;t seem to be able to justify my existence( or does it even need to be justified in the 1st place?) Why was I given my time here? Why was I born? Why me? Why not the others whom I beat off to become the best swimmer( hhahaha...hope u catch the idea)Why was I blessed with such literary sensitivity to ponder over the deeper workings of life? Why can't I become an Engineer? Why can't I just be a dumb nut and live life without much questioning? Why must I be born on 21/07/80? A thousand whys that I can;t seem to answer. I tried to adopt a faith and accept that everything I have undergone is God's Will but I still find it hard to accept some things. Is life just one big random joke or what? For millions of years, mankind has pondered over all those philosphical questions yet none have found a definite answer and I don;t expect that I can perform a miracle. I am so scared that one day when my time is up, no one will remember me. Worse, what if no one even cares. Now that is so scary. I pray that one day my name can live on in eternity.......

2004-05-31T12:27:00.000+08:00

One of my all time favourite peoms that offers a glimpse into the tortured soul of Sylvia Plath. Enjoy:

DADDY
by Sylvia Plath

You do not do, you do not do
Any more, black shoe
In which I have lived like a foot
For thirty years, poor and white,
Barely daring to breathe or Achoo.

Daddy, I have had to kill you.
You died before I had time---
Marble-heavy, a bag full of God,
Ghastly statue with one grey toe
Big as a Frisco seal

And a head in the freakish Atlantic
Where it pours bean green over blue
In the waters off beautiful Nauset.
I used to pray to recover you.
Ach, du.

In the German tongue, in the Polish town
Scraped flat by the roller
Of wars, wars, wars.
But the name of the town is common.
My Polack friend

Says there are a dozen or two.
So I never could tell where you
Put your foot, your root,
I never could talk to you.
The tongue stuck in my jaw.

It stuck in a barb wire snare.
Ich, ich, ich, ich,
I could hardly speak.
I thought every German was you.
And the language obscene

An engine, an engine
Chuffing me off like a Jew.
A Jew to Dachau, Auschwitz, Belsen.
I began to talk like a Jew.
I think I may well be a Jew.

The snows of the Tyrol, the clear beer of Vienna
Are not very pure or true.
With my gypsy ancestress and my weird luck
And my Taroc pack and my Taroc pack
I may be a bit of a Jew.

I have always been scared of *you*,
With your Luftwaffe, your gobbledygoo.
And your neat mustache
And your Aryan eye, bright blue.
Panzer-man, panzer-man, O You---

Not God but a swastika
So black no sky could squeak through.
Every woman adores a Fascist,
The boot in the face, the brute
Brute heart of a brute like you.

You stand at the blackboard, daddy,
In the picture I have of you,
A cleft in your chin instead of your foot
But no less a devil for that, no not
Any less the black man who

Bit my pretty red heart in two.
I was ten when they buried you.
At twenty I tried to die
And get back, back, back to you.
I thought even the bones would do.

But they pulled me out of the sack,
And they stuck me together with glue.
And then I knew what to do.
I made a model of you,
A man in black with a Meinkampf look

And a love of the rack and the screw.
And I said I do, I do.
So daddy, I'm finally through.
The black telephone's off at the root,
The voices just can't worm through.

If I've killed one man, I've killed two---
The vampire who said he was you
and drank my blood for a year,
Seven years, if you want to know.
Daddy, you can lie back now.

There's a stake in your fat, black heart
And the villagers never liked you.
They are dancing and stamping on you.
They always *knew* it was you.
Daddy, daddy, you bastard, I'm through

2004-05-28T19:23:00.001+08:00

Finally its friday. It is quite scary how this week has simply flashed by me. Time really do fly. Day by day, my constitution grows weaker and weaker having to suffer enormous stress levels inflicted by merciless truckloads of work that relentlessly continues to pile up on my desk. At times, I seem to be hallucinating. I sometimes see a blurry image of millions of dollars in cash stacked up in front of me. Maybe my dreams of becoming a millionaire has really adversely affected my mental health. I really need to go out and get a drink and chill with my friends. I miss those good old days when I just stretch my hands out and ask for money. This kind of good things seem to be long forgotten, just a distant memory nowadays. Now, I slave for it. I seem to have become some sort of slave for money. Sometimes, I crave for peace of mind. I often try to daydream about me sitting comfortably in a nice little cushion in Pacific Coffee House, sipping its heavenly Americano as I feel my spirts rise up the heavens. It's been months since I last had a taste of it. Now, I crave for it like some kind of drug or elixir that can deliver me from the great evil of stress. I can still remember the intoxicating effects the Americano had on me whenever I was tired, battered and bruised during my army weekends. And I sure miss that red couch by the corner where I always read the magazines over coffee. I envy students. They do not have to worry much as their parents slog it out in the corporate world, trying desperately to make a living so that their kids can get a good life and education. When I was young, I never really cared whether my dad or mum was tired. When I wanted a toy , I stubbornly wanted it at all costs. Maybe the wheel has come one circle and I am now going to pay for the distress and stress that I had brought upon my parents. My baptism of fire into the ruthless and merciless corporate society obssessed with materialism has made me realised how crude and unacceptable my behaviour has been. But that aside, I am so happy that I am going to meeting my army buddies for drinks later. Its been so long since we traded insults and I really miss those days when life was much simpler then. In fact, I hope I can get as drunk as possible and forget about work for a minute. I can;t seem to stop thinking about work. I need to stop working lest it consumes my soul. Heck I can't even find time to write the novel that I had planned. But...damn, its late, I need to get back to work.... ;p

2004-05-26T16:52:00.000+08:00

Its been quite a while since I penned down my thoughts. I have been bogged down by work that I really do not have the luxury to really sit down and share my thoughts with you guys. Everything is just flashing by so fast and furious these days in the office that I can hardly get a breather. The workload and the accompanying stress just keeps piling up. I can now understand why those hardworking Japanese often die of overworking. Sometimes when i get home, I am so tired that I just slumped into bed and fall asleep instantly. Another issue that worries me is my plunging grades. I regret listening to those goddamn network marketing idiots who promised me that I can achieve success and financial freedom without proper academic qualifications. They made it sound so damn easy but the truth is without experience and proper academic qualifications these days, it is very hard to succeed in life. I know that many people have made it big without academic achievements but these days, you really need to have a good certificate to survive in this ridiculously fast-paced world. Those network marketers lavish me with promises of easy and quick wealth but they all turned out to be scams. I can only blame myself for succumbing to their influence so easily. Hence, I neglected my grades and allowed myself to bath in their dream of easy money and success. Having to slog and toil in the outside world has made me realised that if one wants to achieve success in anything, hard work and sweat still counts as a major factor. Thank god that I passed my university exams although I did not do well. I have decided to go all out for my studies from next semester onwards and not to lose focus again. I am so sick and tired of always being number 2 or 3 or 4 or 5. I am so tired of being spat on and trampled upon by others. I want to be the goddamn best in whatever I do and I can;t take losing very well.
I am going all out for honours from next semester onwards. Although my grades have plunged, I still harbour the belief that I can get at least a 2nd lower and do my family and myself proud. I thank god for not letting me fail and giving me one more chance because I did not study at all last semester. You really do get to meet lots of people in the working world. Slackers. Idiots. Free riders. Workhorses. Hypocrites. You name it, you got it. And as much as I hate to admit it, discrimination in ALL forms exist in this world. I was talking to this ISO consultant just yesterday and he told me he faced a lot of discrimination by the Australians and Europeans just because he is not of their kind and race. When I enter the teaching sector officially, I am going to make sure none of my students tolerate racism. I know racism cannot be eradicated but at least I am going to try and curb it. I can't stand rascists. I have been reading Jeffrey Archer for inspiration these days but I still have not come up with a plot or story. I can't seem to settle on a plot yet. Maybe its due to my fatigue but I am still trying to get a good storyline going. Good news is I finally found some boozing partners: my OLD army friends( why did I not think of them earlier?) Its think to bring out the Stella Artois..and CHEERS

2004-05-11T00:26:00.000+08:00

All of a sudden, I feel the urge to sing. The last time I held a microphone was at the audition at Tinybox Music and I haven exercised my vocals since. I think I need to start preparing soon or else I gonna make a fool out of myself when I go for singing lessons. Been listening to Eason and realised that I am so far away from reaching his standards. He is by far one of the best, if not the best male singer in Hong Kong today and I really hope I can attain his standards one day. I think I really need to start going to Kbox soon. Been trying to whip my fat body into shape lately but to no avail. I ran just 1 km and I couldn't take it anymore. Maybe its due to work stress or fatigue or lack of sleep. Been trying to force myself but I just can;t seem to go the extra mile. Worrying cos my weight seems to be spiraling out of control. I love music and I hope I can sing forever. It is the one thing that cures my insanity and relaxes my battered soul. Yet another boring day at work. The outside world is so silent nowadays that it has become so creepy. The shopping malls used to be packed with loads of consumers rushing to spend.
Now, the whole spending frenzy has suddenly grounded to a stop. I am still getting used to silent shopping malls. Sigh. When will the good old days return? Soon I hope

2004-05-09T13:55:00.000+08:00

I am so in a dilemma. Just when I thought I should end my hopes of stardom, I got an unexpected call from the producer of Tiny Box Music informing me that I had been passed the audition and Lee Fei Hui is going to take me under his wings. One would be forgiven for thinking that perhaps God is trying to play a trick on me!
Anyway, I think I am going to take up the offer and make one last attempt at stardom. Afterall, if I fail to make the cut, at least I know where I stand and I can console myself that I can at least make some new friends and ktv buddies. Its been so long since I last went clubbing. I miss the booze and the babes but I really got no time and energy these days. Whenever I reach home after work, I would just slump onto the sofa and fall asleep. Its so tiring to work. But I really need to let my hair down and raise some hell! Its sickening cos not many of my friends like booze. They prefer to either stay at home glued to their TV boxes or sip coffee instead. I think maybe they are missing out on the finer things in life like the fine texture of Stella Artois and the babes. But then again, to each his own. Maybe they can find some kind of solace staying at home but I really need to go out and go wild once in a while. I haven't been to town for a month or so and I feel holed up at home. Its pretty boring lately. And the movies nowadays are hardly impressive. Where have all the war movies gone? Alright time to go gyming.

2004-05-06T17:58:00.000+08:00

Another tough day at work. Frustrating that the progress that I was hoping for had to be pushed back a little. I know I should be more patient but I really wanted to get things going so that we can start seeing some results and that would boost everyone's morale. It is very important that we can keep our heads high and strive for better results. What I fear is for low morale to creep in and affect our spirits. I had done a lot of group projects and I must say I am pretty well acquainted with the consequences that low spirits can have on the quality of the work that one does. I am feeling a bit anxious but I must control it. Be patient, I told myself. Sometimes I can get so impatient that I feel like robbing a bank! For the time being, I shall perish that thought. My temper has been pretty short lately. Perhaps it is due to the stress induced by the heavy workload and uncertainty. When they say you are going to enter the rat race, you better believe that! It's true. Unless you are born with a silver spoon or David Beckham, for some reason or another, decided to grant you the privilege of hopping into bed with him so that you can go to the tabloids with your story, I would advise students to be mentally prepared for the race ahead. Frankly speaking, it's a race whereever you go. Be it working or starting a business, it's a long tough race. And the most terrifying thing is when you realise that you are almost going to spend 1/3 of your life slogging away if you work from 8 to 5 and I haven't even counted OT yet! My plea still remains the same: Please god, I don't ask for much. Let me strike Toto just once and I will be contented( right, like real!) As for my novelist ambitions, they are still burning. Someday, I am going to leave my mark in that area. Jeffrey Archer and John Grisham, I am coming to get you! Beware!

2004-05-05T17:32:00.000+08:00

I think need an Anger Manager. I know I got a violent and ferocious temper but I seem to be losing control over myself. It seems that these days I just can't seem to get a grip on myself. I keep getting upset and frustrated over small little things but I just can't help it. It worries me because my inability to control anger almost cost me my index finger( till today, it remains bruised and clogged with blood).Anyone who knows a good anger manager( other than Jack Nicholson) may volunteer his or her services. Finally, after months of inertia, Novographix Designs is up and running. I called some printing companies to work on liaising and cooperation but some slammed the phone even before I had finished my proposal. That is , in my view, not only rude but a stupid thing to do. Cooperation will benefit everyone. We can our stuff printed and they get some business. Its not like we are hawking drugs or illegal vcds or stuff like that. My University Marketing professor once told us the importance of networking and collaboration. He lamented that the Singaporean or Asian culture is one of distrust and soloism. He saw firms collapse because of the non-collaboration and overly competitive attitude of firms. I could not have agreed more. The thing is by collaborating, we can save effort and cut costs. That's definitely much better than trying to slog it out alone. Sad fact is, companies in Singapore are still adopting this kind of attitude. Sigh. I really hope to see some Asian companies rise up and beat Bill Gates some day. It is depressing when the top 20 richest person list always inludes mostly Americans. My dream now is to beat the Americans and make the list( someday it will happen!). Working life is boring but I am getting used to it. The trick is you got to keep motivating yourself and treat every task given as a challenge. That is by no means easy. A lot of people give up after a few years and resign themselves to the fate that there's no more room for improvement. However, I try to keep a positive attitude adn strive for the best in everything I do. Still learning and gaining experience but I still believe in myself. God bless me. Please let me make it big.

2004-05-03T22:45:00.000+08:00

I slowly find my hopes of becoming a successful novelist seeping away. When I had accepted the job, I did not realise what I had gotten myself into. I knew it is always going to be tough but I did not realise that the situation is that bad. My mum's company is in terrible state. Okay, hold your breath. Here comes the storm.The finances are messed up. The workers got attitude problem. The computers are slow and outdated and there is no strategic diretion. The whole company is like a plank of wood from a shipwreck drifting in the vast ocean without a sense of direction. I had to squeeze every brain cell to try to come up with a quick and effective solution to stop the rot. Man, it was tough. A few times, I had a brain freeze and the countless research that I have to sift through is almost certainly going to worsen my already deteriorating eyesight. Not to mention the frustration and stress that is surely going to cause my enthusiasm for writing novels to slowly ebb away. But I guess I must try to keep it burning, I really want to try and get some good and interesting stuff written and published . Besides that, been trying to speed up things for my cousins' new firm NOVOGrAPHIX DESIGNS. Hopefully, everything turns out well and business starts rolling in. Time to sleep and enter my dreamland. Cheers

2004-05-03T02:13:00.000+08:00

My god! Its already 320am in the morning and I am still awake! Its amazing how this weekend's soccer matches did not put me to sleep! Since the Premier League Championship was decided last weekend, this weekend's matches were uninteresting and dull. I still cannot believe I actually survived those torrid and boring matches on ESPN tonite! Guess I am beginning to become a workaholic! I just can't seem to stop working nowadays. Since 1 am, I have been thinking about a suitable plot for my novel which I am planning to write. Gosh and in 3 hours time, I will rise and shine to prepare for another day of hectic work at my mum's company. At night, its reading time and brainstorming session for my novels. The schedule is so tight that I hardly have time for exercise nowadays. Not that I can exercise anyway cos my injured finger prevents any rigorous exercises and any form of sweating. Okie...damn...I got to go and force my eyelids shut. If not, I probably would faint at work tomorrow.Btw, if any smart alecks out there has a solid story line or suggestion, do drop me an email or msg.

2004-05-02T14:55:00.000+08:00

Finally, after all this while, I have my own personal blogsite for me to spit out all my life's discontentments, disillusions and complains until my fingernails get hurt from all those incessant typings. It is strange cos I have been storing up all my pent-up frustrations and complains so that I can finally unleash my fury once this site is up but I am now at a loss for words. Besides, my index finger still aches a little from the self-inflicted wound that I had from a brief moment of madness on Monday that saw me punch the daylights out of my pc filter screen. Sometimes, I think I may be going crazy cos I can't seem to control the rage in me nowadays. Guess years of supression and repression and constant drumming of a standard code of conduct by my conservative parents and the society has left me with some mental and psychological wounds. Deep inside, I am a nasty little wicked fella that can't wait to chew people's head off but my parents and society has tried to make me conform to their standards of acceptable conduct and behaviour. Maybe that explains the rage....Or could it be my admiration of those wrestlers on WWE that has never failed to fascinate me with their interesting storylines and witty catchphrases. Cos when I landed my knuckles on the glass filter screen last monday night, for a brief moment, I had thought I was the multiple time WCW and WWE Worldheavyweight Champion Goldberg cos I saw him smash the windscreens of Mr McMahon's limousine and his hands didn't even bleed. Alas, reality soon sunk in as the gushing blood oozing from the crimson wound and the sharp paroxysm of pain swiftly reduced the oxygen to my brain and panick kicked in. Suddenly, I feared for my life. A thousand fears crept in. Am I going to die? What if my blood clogs up and I have to amputate my finger? What if I damage my tendons and lose my hand? What if I get cold turkey? What if I lose consciousness? A thousand " what ifs".....As if my luck isn't rotten enough, I was sent to Tan Tock Seng hospital and "quarantined" cos I was diagnosed with a fever and sore throat. Duh!@#!@# I guess Lady Luck is really turning her back on me then. Luckily, it was just a stitch to seal up my wound. Guess now I truly will heed the advice of WWE:" Please, don't try this at home" Alright, enough whining and its time for me to get back to serious work..poor me...working on a fine sunday afternoon......